Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
