i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
