considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
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"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
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At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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