final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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