I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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