just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
