why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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