Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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