i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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