I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
