I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
