You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
