so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We got so high we made milksteak
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
