Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
