woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
