Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize