Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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