Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
