I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
