She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
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I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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