Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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