Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
