I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
