Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
