guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
