Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
