Kiss
Puke
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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