Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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