Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
