I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So vagazzling was a success
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
