please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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