it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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