omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
