Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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