I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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