her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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