apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
