If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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