Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
