we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
