Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
