i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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