Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
