What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
