im drinking this country out of the recession.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
