WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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