A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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