i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
