ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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