by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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