party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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