Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
