True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
