Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.

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(203): It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag. http://tfl.nu/0795

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(323): View more from California

Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.

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(323): Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy. http://tfl.nu/msnn

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(519): View more from Ontario

I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.

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(519): I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes. http://tfl.nu/14d6

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(719): View more from Colorado

I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.

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(719): I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me. http://tfl.nu/o08k

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(+52): View more from Mexico

that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.

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(+52): that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time. http://tfl.nu/nkav

Replies (10) Good night (4452) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
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(248): View more from Michigan

first off, his name is dougie. strike one.

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(248): first off, his name is dougie. strike one. http://tfl.nu/yrg3

Replies (22) Good night (959) Bad night (4490) Order T-Shirt
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet

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(215): Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet http://tfl.nu/qzss

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(850): View more from Florida

I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.

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(850): I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end. http://tfl.nu/6dki

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(716): View more from New York

Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?

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(716): Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle? http://tfl.nu/rwr7

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(801): View more from Utah

Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.

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(801): Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches. http://tfl.nu/nznf

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(218): View more from Minnesota

You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.

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(218): You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate. http://tfl.nu/a3k9

Replies (18) Good night (3952) Bad night (565)
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(914): View more from New York

I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.

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(914): I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm. http://tfl.nu/kbjg

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(678): View more from Georgia

Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.

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(678): Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS. http://tfl.nu/1c5m

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(515): View more from Iowa

He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.

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(515): He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse. http://tfl.nu/kc12

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(815): View more from Illinois

Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.

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(815): Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down. http://tfl.nu/94ky

Replies (5) Good night (635) Bad night (183)

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