We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
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I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia