I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying