I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions