its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix