I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.