She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.