brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.