Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
