p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
