did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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