Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
