Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
