My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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