Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
