everyone is single if you try hard enough
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
