started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I forget how to act sober
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
