I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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