Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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