its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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